Disconnect to Reconnect

I know I have eluded to the fact that I have a lot of "think time" during the day. Sometimes this can be a great thing and other times I kind of turn into my worst enemy. There are some days where it gets to be about mid morning and I ask myself, have I said anything out loud today? I have thousands upon thousands of thoughts that run wild in my mind throughout the day and I can't recall which ones are spoken and which ones are just mere thoughts. Sometimes when I finally do talk to Pete at the end of the day I feel like I kind of talk in circles because those thousands of thoughts come spewing out in no particular order. This is when I am so thankful for a forgiving, gracious husband that loves me no matter what! ;) He knows my ways and has grown to love me even if I ramble. Actually I think I am rambling right now. So get to the point, D, will ya!?!

So getting to the title of this post.

Disconnect to Reconnect


This is a reoccuring thought that I have had over the past five months. The past five months have been overwhelming, emotional, thrilling, stressful, gripping, and did I mention emotional. There have been a few days, I wont lie, where I have just cried because I feel so inadequate and helpless. I am the type of person where I will make myself sick trying to figure things out. I did this with my job and I did this with our infertility journey. I want to FIX IT. I want to FIGURE IT out. When in the silence God reminds me HE can fix it. HE can help figure it out. While I'm beating my head against the wall, God is whispering in my ear. It isn't until I'm silent that I hear his assurance.
When Cael was about 3 months old and we were in the thick of being overwhelmed I remember being encouraged by Pete to take a day to myself. So I called my mom (Thank you Lord for grandmas)to see if she could come over for a visit and I just left the house. I went shopping for a few hours. On the way home from that shopping trip I remember reflecting. I remember thinking, "I don't think I kissed Cael good bye when I left". I felt so terrible that I walked out of the house so quickly that I didn't, until that moment, realize that I forgot to kiss my baby good bye. Then I started thinking about how much I love him and how special he is to us. I began to get teary eyed as I drove down the road. I thought about how blessed we are to have a little baby boy who is healthy and growing every day. How truly blessed we are to be able to hold this miracle in our arms each day. As I continued to reflect on this sweet love of mine, I began to weep. (I know call me a cry baby..but I will blame it on hormones ;) God has truly blessed us and I just can't wrap my mind around what he has done in our hearts, forever. As I pulled in the driveway I felt this leap in my heart that I was going to get to kiss my little boy soon. I walked in the door, held him close to me and began to smell his sweet baby smell. I felt a deep connection with my sweet little boy that afternoon.

That day I DISCONNECTED from my life here at home for a while. Just a few short hours I went away. I had a change in scenery and I was able to do something for myself. My hands were free and my mind could think about other things for awhile. When I walked in the door that afternoon I was able to RECONNECT with my life here at home. One word...Refreshing.

Analogy: We were having troubles with our internet connecting to our WiFi a few weeks ago. So we decided to disconnect it for a while and then reconnect it..sure enough it worked! Wow, even technology needs a break! :)

This concept is something I feel like I will need my whole life. I think that this will be important for our children to disconnect for a while as well. There is amazing growth that happens within our mind and hearts when we take the time to disconnect then REconnect with one another. I really can't describe that sweet connection I felt with Cael when I came home that day. It was DEEPER..much deeper..and it felt good.