Business As Usual

I think one of the most difficult things that has occurred in the past two weeks is just that

BUSINESS AS USUAL   

has HAD to occur. 

Oh, believe me I have taken (still taking) time to process everything. 

BUT...I'm still very NUMB. 

I'm in a state of questioning...everything. 

It has been really hard on us, to say the least. Having WHY questions and not really knowing the answer to any of them...is PAINFUL.  This whole process is painful. From shots, to appointments, to medicines, to hormonal imbalances, to sicknesses, to insurance coverage issues, to pharmacy calls, to more appointments, to procedures......to just plain heartache. 

In the past two weeks, we have had to push most of this aside and focus our attention on all sorts of other things. I started a new job that will be just part time and temporary. I will be a teacher librarian in the school district that we live in. Pete started school as well and middle school football has started.

We were driving somewhere yesterday and I found myself getting emotional. I told Pete that we really haven't had much time together to really "deal with" all that has happened in the last two weeks. I felt all of those (still) raw emotions come to the surface.  I expressed to him that I'm still really sad about it all.  When you pour yourself into doing something wholeheartedly and you try really hard to stay hopeful and positive every step of the way ONLY to end up broken to pieces......it  takes a LONG time for that to ever heal.

Honestly, I have no idea where we go from here.
When you are still hurting....it's hard to think of "what's next".

So for now, if you think of us we'd humbly ask that you pray for our hearts to heal. We also ask that God would work in a mighty way. 

Not What we had Expected

It is with extremely heavy hearts we share that our blood pregnancy test this morning was NEGATIVE.

Heartbroken doesn't even scratch the surface of our emotions today. Thank you all of you that have prayed for us. Every prayer was heard and FELT this morning. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us as we absorb what took place this morning.

A Test of TRUST

I really think that there is just no better way to explain what the last couple of months have been for us....

A TEST OF TRUST! 

I put this verse on a picture a few weeks ago. And actually this past spring, I worked really hard to commit this verse to memory, because it brought me so much hope.  Then a few weeks ago, I received a text from a dear friend who quoted this verse to me, as a reminder!!  I have been thanking God for TRUTH speaking friends that point me back to HIM in trying times. 

This verse says to me that a man is BLESSED when he trusts in the LORD and his confidence is in him alone. Not in THINGS, or PEOPLE or EVENTS....our confidence needs to be in HIM! 

When we trust in him no matter what, we can be like that tree that shows no signs of stress, but instead flourishes because it's roots are deep in HIM!

I have been working each day to place my confidence and trust in God. It's been s battle at times, but I have to say the peace that abounds when we let go and let God is exhilarating.

This summer has tried our trust in him on several accounts. 

I was approached and offered a position with the school district that we live in. It is a temporary fill and will be part time.  They made me a deal that I could not pass up and will require me to be gone just as much as I was when I was a substitute teacher. I don't like change very well....so this tested my TRUST in HIM. I took the step and will trust that he will continue to provide my every need through this transition. 

Also this year's corn crop as brought STRESS to our Detasseling Crew.  This is a source of income for our family and my husband works long hours to manage our crew. However the weather and nature just did not cooperate for us this year.  The season is not yet complete but it is shaping up to be the worst year yet for our business. This has been another TEST of our TRUST! 

Wednesday at 9 am we have our blood pregnancy test. This will indicate whether the whole procedure took or not. We are filled with all sort of emotions because we have been here 3 times before! We've experienced 2 negative, heart wrenching phone calls and 1 positive ELATING phone call. I can't help but find myself going back to the times of the negative results and remembering the horrible feeling we had. I start to get overwhelmed at the thought of having to hear negative results, once again. We know that it could go either way. We know that God is working something out that we need to trust him with. He's able to see a bigger picture and in the end his ways are higher than ours. 

We serve a mighty God. I can't help but think about what our VBS was a few weeks ago...

"With man this is impossible, but not with God, all things are possible with God.".   Mark 10:27

Anything is possible, everything is possible with God!! 

If you think of us on Wednesday, please pray for peace and an acceptance in our hearts for whatever news we may hear. 

To Be Continued...