Today, we traveled to the clinic to have blood drawn for our pregnancy test. We received a phone call about an hour later stating the test came back negative.
Again, we find ourselves broken and wondering what went wrong. We know that God is in control and that He is holding us at this time. Pray that our hearts heal and that we can be filled with the Peace that can only come from Him.
With broken hearts.......
Pete and Darcy
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
A Glimmer of Hope
Obviously, we are still in the waiting stage, not really knowing what to think each and every day that we wake up. I have been trying hard not to think about things. Just trying to live my life as normal as possible. I've been working hard to push out negativity that could, if I let it, flood my mind. We won't know for a couple of weeks yet if this round was successful or not, so in the mean time ...we wait. The story of our lives!! :) I'm getting pretty used to that mode and I'm okay with it right now.
We did receive a little glimmer of hope that this round is "different" than the last one. That has been my battle all along, is the thought "well, it didn't work the first time, why will it work the 2nd time". This was a battle in my mind for a while but along the way, it has been revealed to us that things are different this time. Now, does that mean i'm setting myself up...no...it just means that it gives me a little bit of hope that it might turn out different this time. As we started this round, our wonderful doctor used his expertise and offered us a different regimine. That included some different medicines at different times. As I've progressed with things, I felt pretty much the SAME. That began to play a toll on me because I thought "this is supposed to be different"....I guess I thought I was supposed to feel different too. All of my appointments were very positive with great strides and progress in the right direction. My confidence was strengthened. The day of retrieval did feel different...I wasn't as "bogged" and the day of transfer was COMPLETELY different! It was not near as painful as the time before.
It is standard procedure at our clinic that there are only 2 embryos implanted at the time of implant. That is what happened for us. Now, as I have explained before, there were a lot more eggs fertilized but not all of those eggs have grown and developed into embryos. At the time of implant, we were told that there were a total of 5 embroys maturing at this time...that is 2 that were implanted and 3 that they were going to continue to watch to see if they developed further. We were to call down in two days to see if any of those embryos were still progressing or if they degenerated. The last time, there were 6 that they were going to watch and all of them degenerated and stopped maturing over the next few days. This time, we called and found out that there are 3 perfect embryos that they will freeze for us for future use!! WOW, what a complete blessing that is! Now, we do not take that lightly and know that those are precious lives and will prayerfully consider when the right time will be to have those implanted some day.
So for the time being, we have caught a glimmer of hope that this time MIGHT be DIFFERNT!!! Please Lord Jesus, it is only by your GRACE and MERCY that these lives within me will be sustained!
We humbly ask that you keep praying!
We did receive a little glimmer of hope that this round is "different" than the last one. That has been my battle all along, is the thought "well, it didn't work the first time, why will it work the 2nd time". This was a battle in my mind for a while but along the way, it has been revealed to us that things are different this time. Now, does that mean i'm setting myself up...no...it just means that it gives me a little bit of hope that it might turn out different this time. As we started this round, our wonderful doctor used his expertise and offered us a different regimine. That included some different medicines at different times. As I've progressed with things, I felt pretty much the SAME. That began to play a toll on me because I thought "this is supposed to be different"....I guess I thought I was supposed to feel different too. All of my appointments were very positive with great strides and progress in the right direction. My confidence was strengthened. The day of retrieval did feel different...I wasn't as "bogged" and the day of transfer was COMPLETELY different! It was not near as painful as the time before.
It is standard procedure at our clinic that there are only 2 embryos implanted at the time of implant. That is what happened for us. Now, as I have explained before, there were a lot more eggs fertilized but not all of those eggs have grown and developed into embryos. At the time of implant, we were told that there were a total of 5 embroys maturing at this time...that is 2 that were implanted and 3 that they were going to continue to watch to see if they developed further. We were to call down in two days to see if any of those embryos were still progressing or if they degenerated. The last time, there were 6 that they were going to watch and all of them degenerated and stopped maturing over the next few days. This time, we called and found out that there are 3 perfect embryos that they will freeze for us for future use!! WOW, what a complete blessing that is! Now, we do not take that lightly and know that those are precious lives and will prayerfully consider when the right time will be to have those implanted some day.
So for the time being, we have caught a glimmer of hope that this time MIGHT be DIFFERNT!!! Please Lord Jesus, it is only by your GRACE and MERCY that these lives within me will be sustained!
We humbly ask that you keep praying!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Transfer........check.
Today, Darcy and I traveled down to Des Moines for our transfer appointment. This is where they take the two strongest embryos and implant them into Darcy. The procedure went very well. Darcy continued to tell me throughout the day that it was so much better than last time.
We continue to feel so blessed by knowing that family and friends are praying for us. We have felt so encouraged and upheld during this time. Our prayers continue to be that God would place His hand on us and allow these embryos to continue to grow and attach to Darcy. We will travel back down to Des Moines in two weeks for our pregnancy test. The next two weeks are vital to the success of the procedure.
Please continue to pray that the embryos grow. Pray that Darcy stays healthy and stress free. Pray that we can continue to think positive thoughts and that we continue to draw closer to our Lord Jesus during this time of waiting.
We trust you Lord! May your Name be praised!
We continue to feel so blessed by knowing that family and friends are praying for us. We have felt so encouraged and upheld during this time. Our prayers continue to be that God would place His hand on us and allow these embryos to continue to grow and attach to Darcy. We will travel back down to Des Moines in two weeks for our pregnancy test. The next two weeks are vital to the success of the procedure.
Please continue to pray that the embryos grow. Pray that Darcy stays healthy and stress free. Pray that we can continue to think positive thoughts and that we continue to draw closer to our Lord Jesus during this time of waiting.
We trust you Lord! May your Name be praised!
Friday, October 30, 2009
One phase down
Those of you who know me, know that I am a very "list oriented" person! Yes, I like to have things in order and I like to be able to see what needs to be done. I enjoy nothing more than crossing off something from my list. Yes, I even write things on my list that are already done...just to cross them off!! I feel a sense of "empowerment" when I've accomplished something!
Today is one of those days. We can cross off the first big phase of this whole process!!! :)
Yesterday, we were at the clinic bright and early! My appointment was at 6:45am and we were ready to go back to surgery by 7:00. I was was given some medicine to put me out, although it didn't put me completely out this time. The procedure happened and then I was recovering. We were in the car headed home by around 10:00am. So to say the least, it was a pretty quick morning.
As I was coming to, the nurse informed us that they were able to retrieve 23 eggs! She said that was great. Then the nurse called today and informed us that of the 23 there were 19 that were fertilized. The other 5 were just fluid sacks or they degenerated before fertilization occurred. As I talked with the nurse today, she informed us that we have 12 embryos that are growing right now as we speak. Now will all of those embryos survive, probably not. The way I look at it is, does every egg that is fertilized in the womb survive and turn into a pregnancy?... no. This is no different. The embryos are stored in a very climate controlled incubator and they are growing and changing every minute. Obviously, we know that the hand of God is the creator and sustainer of life. This type of situation looks different because it is taking place outside of the body, BUT in both cases, there needs to be SUSTAINMENT in order for life to occur. How many times in a woman's body does this occur and we not even know it?!? Does an egg become fertilized but never come to a full term pregnancy?!?! Probably a lot more than we will ever know. I believe that this is no different. In both cases, we believe that God is the Creator and sustainer of life.
On Tuesday, we will go down for 2 embryos to be transferred into my womb. They will also tell us how many embryos are still growing and maturing. If there are still some growing and maturing, we will freeze them to use at a later time.
Again, we can't thank you all enough for your thoughts, prayers and kind words in this time. We praise God for such loving friends and family that can surround us in this time. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us as we still have a long road ahead of us. Pray that these embryos continue to grow and mature. Please pray for our hearts to be open and willing to do whatever it is that God desires of us. We desire to be obedient to His calling for us.
Also, continue to pray for the healing of my body. I'm still in quite a bit of discomfort and have been really trying to nurse myself back to normal.
We have learned that the power of prayer is immeasurable. To feel the prayers of many is unbelievable and to know the surpassing PEACE that the good Lord provides is indescribable.
Today is one of those days. We can cross off the first big phase of this whole process!!! :)
Yesterday, we were at the clinic bright and early! My appointment was at 6:45am and we were ready to go back to surgery by 7:00. I was was given some medicine to put me out, although it didn't put me completely out this time. The procedure happened and then I was recovering. We were in the car headed home by around 10:00am. So to say the least, it was a pretty quick morning.
As I was coming to, the nurse informed us that they were able to retrieve 23 eggs! She said that was great. Then the nurse called today and informed us that of the 23 there were 19 that were fertilized. The other 5 were just fluid sacks or they degenerated before fertilization occurred. As I talked with the nurse today, she informed us that we have 12 embryos that are growing right now as we speak. Now will all of those embryos survive, probably not. The way I look at it is, does every egg that is fertilized in the womb survive and turn into a pregnancy?... no. This is no different. The embryos are stored in a very climate controlled incubator and they are growing and changing every minute. Obviously, we know that the hand of God is the creator and sustainer of life. This type of situation looks different because it is taking place outside of the body, BUT in both cases, there needs to be SUSTAINMENT in order for life to occur. How many times in a woman's body does this occur and we not even know it?!? Does an egg become fertilized but never come to a full term pregnancy?!?! Probably a lot more than we will ever know. I believe that this is no different. In both cases, we believe that God is the Creator and sustainer of life.
On Tuesday, we will go down for 2 embryos to be transferred into my womb. They will also tell us how many embryos are still growing and maturing. If there are still some growing and maturing, we will freeze them to use at a later time.
Again, we can't thank you all enough for your thoughts, prayers and kind words in this time. We praise God for such loving friends and family that can surround us in this time. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us as we still have a long road ahead of us. Pray that these embryos continue to grow and mature. Please pray for our hearts to be open and willing to do whatever it is that God desires of us. We desire to be obedient to His calling for us.
Also, continue to pray for the healing of my body. I'm still in quite a bit of discomfort and have been really trying to nurse myself back to normal.
We have learned that the power of prayer is immeasurable. To feel the prayers of many is unbelievable and to know the surpassing PEACE that the good Lord provides is indescribable.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Things are progressing
I can't even begin to describe the past few weeks. It has been a complete whirlwind. I have had 4 appointments over the past 6 days. Over the course of those appointments, I have been monitored very closely. I have had an ultrasound and blood drawn at each and every appointment. The nurses administered an ultrasound each time to watch the activity in my ovaries. There are follicles (eggs) that are growing in each ovary and the shots that I have been giving makes those follicles grow even larger and more mature. With each dr appointment, they measure the growth of the follicles. These measurements have shown adequate growth and enough growth to keep me "right on track". This was encouraging news to hear every day that I was there.
According to my ultrasound and bloodwork yesterday, we are on track to have our egg retrieval on Thursday morning. This is when they will go in the ovaries and extract every single follicle that grew over the course of the past few weeks. It is undetermined at this time how many that will be and we won't know until tomorrow after the procedure. Tomorrow morning, we need to be at the clinic at 6:45am...yikes..when we live over an hour away...that will be an early morning.
Please pray for us tomorrow. Please pray that my body would respond to all of the meds tomorrow to make the procedure go smoothly. Please pray that the doctors would have wisdom in our situation. Pray that my body would react decently to all of the 'trauma'. I have been feeling very good. I have had no real issues with any of the medicine thus far and my body hasn't felt too abnormal. This is such an answer to prayer.
Trusting in God's unfailing love and wisdom in this time.
According to my ultrasound and bloodwork yesterday, we are on track to have our egg retrieval on Thursday morning. This is when they will go in the ovaries and extract every single follicle that grew over the course of the past few weeks. It is undetermined at this time how many that will be and we won't know until tomorrow after the procedure. Tomorrow morning, we need to be at the clinic at 6:45am...yikes..when we live over an hour away...that will be an early morning.
Please pray for us tomorrow. Please pray that my body would respond to all of the meds tomorrow to make the procedure go smoothly. Please pray that the doctors would have wisdom in our situation. Pray that my body would react decently to all of the 'trauma'. I have been feeling very good. I have had no real issues with any of the medicine thus far and my body hasn't felt too abnormal. This is such an answer to prayer.
Trusting in God's unfailing love and wisdom in this time.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Stepping out on faith, again...
Does this ever become...easy?!? Stepping out on 'Faith'. Stepping into something that you are fearful of, stepping somewhere that is not visible...stepping somewhere and feeling very out of control. How can this be easy? How can this ever be a joyous time when everything inside of me wants to run in the other direction because of the unknown? I want to scream and demand a view of what is come. I want to see everything that is about to happen BEFORE I take this step of faith again.
Unfortunately, I know that life does not work that way.
In Hebrews 11:1 it states
Now FAITH is being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see.
What am I sure of? What am I certain of?
I am sure of the fact that God is holding us in this time. I am sure of the fact that we are perfectly inside His Perfect WILL right now. I am certain that nothing can separate us from the love of God. I am certain that he cares about us deeply. I am sure that there will be a day when I will stand in the presence of the Lord and fall at His feet. I am certain that this life here on earth is not ALL about me and my desires but more about God using me to bring Glory and Honor to HIM! I am certain that God is All Knowing and All powerful. I am certain that He holds the future.
So as I reflect on all of that, I do have FAITH. I can step out into this scary unknown with confidence. I sit here today with a heart that is full of peace, confidence, and hope. Thank you all for praying for us. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us in this time. We know that prayer is a powerful tool and that God hears the cry of his people. We start the first round of shots on Monday. I have a little different regimen this time that includes not as many shots as before....so that is good! We are not near as fearful of the shots as we were the first time through. I feel very at ease about everything and know that our hearts are set to be obedient in this time. I will have to make frequent visits (6 in 2 weeks)to the doctor's office that is over an hour away from my house. Please pray for travel mercies, as well.
A verse that I take comfort in..
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of GRACE with confidence , so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
The step of faith this time is done with great confidence!
Thank you all for your love and kindness.
Unfortunately, I know that life does not work that way.
In Hebrews 11:1 it states
Now FAITH is being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see.
What am I sure of? What am I certain of?
I am sure of the fact that God is holding us in this time. I am sure of the fact that we are perfectly inside His Perfect WILL right now. I am certain that nothing can separate us from the love of God. I am certain that he cares about us deeply. I am sure that there will be a day when I will stand in the presence of the Lord and fall at His feet. I am certain that this life here on earth is not ALL about me and my desires but more about God using me to bring Glory and Honor to HIM! I am certain that God is All Knowing and All powerful. I am certain that He holds the future.
So as I reflect on all of that, I do have FAITH. I can step out into this scary unknown with confidence. I sit here today with a heart that is full of peace, confidence, and hope. Thank you all for praying for us. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us in this time. We know that prayer is a powerful tool and that God hears the cry of his people. We start the first round of shots on Monday. I have a little different regimen this time that includes not as many shots as before....so that is good! We are not near as fearful of the shots as we were the first time through. I feel very at ease about everything and know that our hearts are set to be obedient in this time. I will have to make frequent visits (6 in 2 weeks)to the doctor's office that is over an hour away from my house. Please pray for travel mercies, as well.
A verse that I take comfort in..
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of GRACE with confidence , so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
The step of faith this time is done with great confidence!
Thank you all for your love and kindness.
Monday, September 14, 2009
What's new
Summer officially ended for us! :( Boo :( I really could have used about 3 more weeks of summer, but oh well.
Here we are three and a half weeks into school. This is the start of my 9th year teaching!! Wow! I truly can't believe it has been that long. It doesn't feel like that long ago I was just starting out. I guess another event in my life to look upon and say "man...how time flies". Pete is starting his 2nd year at Marshalltown High School and is coaching freshmen football again this year. We are discovering that our weeks fill up very quickly with school, youth group, bible study, football games and just normal daily activities. We won't complain though. We feel very blessed to be surrounded by a great church family and great youth group kids that make the weeks something to look forward to.
This summer, we weren't really able to take any vacations. Only if you consider trips to the ER, hospital stays and surgery a vacation..then maybe! Those medical bills were, by far, the most expensive "vacation" I have ever taken! I am feeling GREAT now though, so again, we can't complain. Just really thankful it happened over the summer so I didn't have to juggle school stuff while being sick.
Here is a glipse of what we did this summer...
Back in April, I surprised my BFF, Jill,with tickets to the New Kids On The Block concert in Chicago. Oh my goodness this was such a blast!!! We will never forget the fun we had that night..Or the fact that Jon Knight reached out to touch Jill...and I touched him TOO!! :) We rocked out to all the NKOTB oldies and surprisingly I knew the words to almost all of their songs!! :) It made me feel like I was 13 again!
Of course, my summer wouldn't be completely without a trip to the Iowa State Fair. :) When the calendar came out a year ago I was really bummed that it was going to overlap with school. Jill then drew my attention the the fact that one of my favorite singers Steven Curtis Chapmen was going to be performing on the first night. Jill worked hard to get us tickets and we came out with 2nd row center stage...NOT BAD! :) Helps to know someone who can sit in the handicap section! Love ya Jill! :)
Steven Curtis Chapmen
Jeremy camp opened the night...he is also another favorite of ours!
We were offered some free tickets to the ICubs game in Des Moines so my family packed up and headed out. This was my first ICubs experience. It was a great time and a beautiful night for a baseball game!
My nephew, Pete, and I at the game.
Here is an amazing friend of mine, Jana! She has been such a God send. I remember a few years ago praying and asking the Lord to bring a believing teacher to my school. I had a great believing friend there a few years ago, Grace, but she has since moved on to raise her family. We do have some believers in my building, but they are all in their 50's, which isn't a bad thing and I love them dearly! Then the Lord introduced me to Jana!!! We had so much in common and she loves the Lord...she seeps his Word and sheds Light into my life DAILY!! Thank you Lord, for Jana!! BTW-she is the one that gave us the free tickets! :)
Couldn't put a picture of Mason on here and not put a picture of my precious niece, Mallory! She is trying to sneak up on me. Love her!! :)
Now "Where are we at with things?", I have had a few of you ask.
After much prayer,careful considerations and lots of evaluating we have decided to go ahead and pursue another round of InVitro. This has not been an easy decision for us. We have spent a lot of time reflecting and pouring our hearts out to God in hopes that he will give us guidance. As we talked it over with each other, it was amazing how we were actually feeling the exact same way. A coincidence..NO...we believe that it is completely God! He has a way of speaking to our hearts if we listen! We will be starting the process this month but the "big stuff" wont happen for another 30 days or so.
We humbly ask for your prayers in this time. We are so vulnerable right now and are stepping out in Faith. We know that God is faithful; we know he is all knowing..we know that our days rest in his hands! We humbly ask that you pray for strength and courage to go through this process again. We also ask that you pray for peace and guidance. We know that if this time it doesn't take, we will pursue adoption...which is another giant mountain. We are willing to do whatever it takes to hold our children in our arms and love them forever.
In God's Hands,
Pete and Darcy
Here we are three and a half weeks into school. This is the start of my 9th year teaching!! Wow! I truly can't believe it has been that long. It doesn't feel like that long ago I was just starting out. I guess another event in my life to look upon and say "man...how time flies". Pete is starting his 2nd year at Marshalltown High School and is coaching freshmen football again this year. We are discovering that our weeks fill up very quickly with school, youth group, bible study, football games and just normal daily activities. We won't complain though. We feel very blessed to be surrounded by a great church family and great youth group kids that make the weeks something to look forward to.
This summer, we weren't really able to take any vacations. Only if you consider trips to the ER, hospital stays and surgery a vacation..then maybe! Those medical bills were, by far, the most expensive "vacation" I have ever taken! I am feeling GREAT now though, so again, we can't complain. Just really thankful it happened over the summer so I didn't have to juggle school stuff while being sick.
Here is a glipse of what we did this summer...
Back in April, I surprised my BFF, Jill,with tickets to the New Kids On The Block concert in Chicago. Oh my goodness this was such a blast!!! We will never forget the fun we had that night..Or the fact that Jon Knight reached out to touch Jill...and I touched him TOO!! :) We rocked out to all the NKOTB oldies and surprisingly I knew the words to almost all of their songs!! :) It made me feel like I was 13 again!
Of course, my summer wouldn't be completely without a trip to the Iowa State Fair. :) When the calendar came out a year ago I was really bummed that it was going to overlap with school. Jill then drew my attention the the fact that one of my favorite singers Steven Curtis Chapmen was going to be performing on the first night. Jill worked hard to get us tickets and we came out with 2nd row center stage...NOT BAD! :) Helps to know someone who can sit in the handicap section! Love ya Jill! :)
Steven Curtis Chapmen
Jeremy camp opened the night...he is also another favorite of ours!
We were offered some free tickets to the ICubs game in Des Moines so my family packed up and headed out. This was my first ICubs experience. It was a great time and a beautiful night for a baseball game!
My nephew, Pete, and I at the game.
Here is an amazing friend of mine, Jana! She has been such a God send. I remember a few years ago praying and asking the Lord to bring a believing teacher to my school. I had a great believing friend there a few years ago, Grace, but she has since moved on to raise her family. We do have some believers in my building, but they are all in their 50's, which isn't a bad thing and I love them dearly! Then the Lord introduced me to Jana!!! We had so much in common and she loves the Lord...she seeps his Word and sheds Light into my life DAILY!! Thank you Lord, for Jana!! BTW-she is the one that gave us the free tickets! :)
Couldn't put a picture of Mason on here and not put a picture of my precious niece, Mallory! She is trying to sneak up on me. Love her!! :)
Now "Where are we at with things?", I have had a few of you ask.
After much prayer,careful considerations and lots of evaluating we have decided to go ahead and pursue another round of InVitro. This has not been an easy decision for us. We have spent a lot of time reflecting and pouring our hearts out to God in hopes that he will give us guidance. As we talked it over with each other, it was amazing how we were actually feeling the exact same way. A coincidence..NO...we believe that it is completely God! He has a way of speaking to our hearts if we listen! We will be starting the process this month but the "big stuff" wont happen for another 30 days or so.
We humbly ask for your prayers in this time. We are so vulnerable right now and are stepping out in Faith. We know that God is faithful; we know he is all knowing..we know that our days rest in his hands! We humbly ask that you pray for strength and courage to go through this process again. We also ask that you pray for peace and guidance. We know that if this time it doesn't take, we will pursue adoption...which is another giant mountain. We are willing to do whatever it takes to hold our children in our arms and love them forever.
In God's Hands,
Pete and Darcy
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