Business As Usual

I think one of the most difficult things that has occurred in the past two weeks is just that

BUSINESS AS USUAL   

has HAD to occur. 

Oh, believe me I have taken (still taking) time to process everything. 

BUT...I'm still very NUMB. 

I'm in a state of questioning...everything. 

It has been really hard on us, to say the least. Having WHY questions and not really knowing the answer to any of them...is PAINFUL.  This whole process is painful. From shots, to appointments, to medicines, to hormonal imbalances, to sicknesses, to insurance coverage issues, to pharmacy calls, to more appointments, to procedures......to just plain heartache. 

In the past two weeks, we have had to push most of this aside and focus our attention on all sorts of other things. I started a new job that will be just part time and temporary. I will be a teacher librarian in the school district that we live in. Pete started school as well and middle school football has started.

We were driving somewhere yesterday and I found myself getting emotional. I told Pete that we really haven't had much time together to really "deal with" all that has happened in the last two weeks. I felt all of those (still) raw emotions come to the surface.  I expressed to him that I'm still really sad about it all.  When you pour yourself into doing something wholeheartedly and you try really hard to stay hopeful and positive every step of the way ONLY to end up broken to pieces......it  takes a LONG time for that to ever heal.

Honestly, I have no idea where we go from here.
When you are still hurting....it's hard to think of "what's next".

So for now, if you think of us we'd humbly ask that you pray for our hearts to heal. We also ask that God would work in a mighty way. 

Not What we had Expected

It is with extremely heavy hearts we share that our blood pregnancy test this morning was NEGATIVE.

Heartbroken doesn't even scratch the surface of our emotions today. Thank you all of you that have prayed for us. Every prayer was heard and FELT this morning. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us as we absorb what took place this morning.

A Test of TRUST

I really think that there is just no better way to explain what the last couple of months have been for us....

A TEST OF TRUST! 

I put this verse on a picture a few weeks ago. And actually this past spring, I worked really hard to commit this verse to memory, because it brought me so much hope.  Then a few weeks ago, I received a text from a dear friend who quoted this verse to me, as a reminder!!  I have been thanking God for TRUTH speaking friends that point me back to HIM in trying times. 

This verse says to me that a man is BLESSED when he trusts in the LORD and his confidence is in him alone. Not in THINGS, or PEOPLE or EVENTS....our confidence needs to be in HIM! 

When we trust in him no matter what, we can be like that tree that shows no signs of stress, but instead flourishes because it's roots are deep in HIM!

I have been working each day to place my confidence and trust in God. It's been s battle at times, but I have to say the peace that abounds when we let go and let God is exhilarating.

This summer has tried our trust in him on several accounts. 

I was approached and offered a position with the school district that we live in. It is a temporary fill and will be part time.  They made me a deal that I could not pass up and will require me to be gone just as much as I was when I was a substitute teacher. I don't like change very well....so this tested my TRUST in HIM. I took the step and will trust that he will continue to provide my every need through this transition. 

Also this year's corn crop as brought STRESS to our Detasseling Crew.  This is a source of income for our family and my husband works long hours to manage our crew. However the weather and nature just did not cooperate for us this year.  The season is not yet complete but it is shaping up to be the worst year yet for our business. This has been another TEST of our TRUST! 

Wednesday at 9 am we have our blood pregnancy test. This will indicate whether the whole procedure took or not. We are filled with all sort of emotions because we have been here 3 times before! We've experienced 2 negative, heart wrenching phone calls and 1 positive ELATING phone call. I can't help but find myself going back to the times of the negative results and remembering the horrible feeling we had. I start to get overwhelmed at the thought of having to hear negative results, once again. We know that it could go either way. We know that God is working something out that we need to trust him with. He's able to see a bigger picture and in the end his ways are higher than ours. 

We serve a mighty God. I can't help but think about what our VBS was a few weeks ago...

"With man this is impossible, but not with God, all things are possible with God.".   Mark 10:27

Anything is possible, everything is possible with God!! 

If you think of us on Wednesday, please pray for peace and an acceptance in our hearts for whatever news we may hear. 

To Be Continued...

All Good

It's ALL GOOD!! Praising God today for walking with us yesterday. Our embryo thawed and looked "perfect". Besides being painful because I had "the largest bladder " our nurse had ever seen..the whole embryo transfer went extremely well! There were a lot of tears shed during the process. I was just so overwhelmed with emotions it was hard to contain. 

We are glad that yesterday is behind us. I was extremely emotional yesterday. I found myself getting weepy a lot. On our way down to the clinic I found it hard to even talk about anything because I was so emotional. I found myself thinking.., this is it..our last procedure like this..ever!!!We've decided that even though my insurance will cover more fertility treatments..this is it for us...forever!! So with that being said I found this procedure extra emotional because there are no more "next time". If for some reason this does not take..we move to other options. 

But for know we pray that this little one grows and joins our family soon. Our blood pregnancy test is August 7th. 

So we wait..we pray...and we trust. 

** post written while laying flat on my back and being activity-less for a few days. 

Today is the DAY..

 

This picture was taken in our backyard. I thought this verse was very fitting.

Today is the day....TRANSFER DAY!!  This morning they started the delicate process of thawing our last embryo that we have. There is a chance that the embryo may not thaw, we are praying at this very moment that all goes well.  My lining last week was 10-10 1/2 mm thick and they want it at least at an 8. So my body is responding to the medicine this time around (PTL).  I am wearing estrogen patches. Also we started the progesterone (butt) shot last Sunday. That is all going smoothly. I had to take some antibiotics yesterday and today so make sure my body is healthy and ready.  

 



Our hearts are very anxious as we lead up to this time of the transfer (2:30pm today July 26th) however we have an underlying PEACE that is just indescribable. We know that there is really not much that we can do to change what God has in store. In the process we try and seek refuge in his almighty hand so that our hearts and minds do not stray from truth. Things that we find ourselves repeating...

God IS faithful.

God IS trust worthy.

God IS almighty.

He is all knowing.

He is powerful.

He is sufficient.

As I trust in THAT how can I not have peace? However, I am still human and I still find myself overflowed with all sorts of emotions. Some days are much better than others. Those emotions, if i let them, will eat me alive! Trying to bring my focus back on HIM who is in control of all things.

 

If you think of us today,  please pray that all continues to move along smoothly. Please pray that my body receives this little one and takes it in. Also pray that this little one proceeds to grow and will join our family soon.  Please remember to pray for Pete also. Sometimes we forget about the husbands. It's pretty hard on them too.

 

  Also please pray that OUR minds would be clear and steadfast on him who we trust.

Thank you for all that say prayers for us. They can be felt and I know they are heard.

July Family Reunion

Where in the world has July gone?!? Wow...summers just go by way to fast, it seems.
 At the end of June we were able to watch my nephew Mason and his team win their little league baseball championship game.  Wow, what a great night that was! There was as series of great plays that ended the game. Mason was a part of the plays to stop the other team from scoring and possibly winning. So it was super exciting to watch all that unfold! So fun to watch him play and WIN!!

Cousins after the VICTORY!

Mason with his trophy!!!

 FOURTH OF JULY

For the 4th of July this year, we had a family reunion at my parent's pond. There were about 60 relatives that attended. My aunt and uncle that live in South Carolina drove all the way up here with their granddaughter, Carson! This was the first time we have every met this sweet little girl. While she was here she had a big 1st birthday!

My grandfather meeting his newest great granddaughter and my aunt Mary.

THE BIRTHDAY GIRL! 

CAKE!

My dad, my aunt Mary, uncle Mark, aunt LeaAnn and then my grandpa Bob.

COUSINS!

My family (minus Amy and Jeff..little Carson's mom and dad).

 While family was here for about a week there was lots eating, playing and late nights!! The kids wanted to be outside every waking moment of the day OR on a motorized vehicle which Madden would call BOOM BOOM!

Boys that love to RIDE!!

Going on ANOTHER vehicle! As long as it has wheels and moves...they will ride it!

 The week that they were all here was a whirlwind! We had so much fun together. It took my about 3 days to find my counter tops in my kitchen but you know what...it was ALL worth the mess having my home and our hearts FULL!


 

June Chicago Trip

It is JUNE...and in a house with teachers..that means VACATION!
I really look forward to June each year. I feel like in this month we accomplish a lot.  Before the month arrives we find ourselves making a "To Do" list of all the things we want to get done in this month of "no commitments". Even though this year Pete decided to teach summer school for three weeks this month, we were able to find some time for a vacation.

We decided to go visit my sister Kristin, who lives in Chicago. So we loaded up and headed east to Chi-town! Whenever going on a "vacation" with a two year old, we always anticipate lots of "excitement". 
HOWEVER
Cael was a ROCK STAR this entire trip!
We had a few moments that weren't as pleasant as the others but overall he did SO well! We were so relieved and proud of him.

After we arrived to Kristin's place on Friday night we needed to get out of the car and stretch a little. She took us to a park that was just down around the corner from her apartment and that was perfect for Cael. He played for a bit and got some energy out after been cooped up in car for 6 hours.

 

 

Look mom...I can do the monkey bars!

 

Daddy being silly!

 We ate dinner at a place called Meatheads and then enjoyed some custard at a place called Scooters. It was all very delicious!

"I want to DO IT MYSELF"

 

Then on Saturday we headed to Lincoln Park Zoo. This is a FREE zoo that is open to the public.  For being FREE it was a large zoo with great sights to see! All sorts of animals and things to do. We highly recommend going here if you ever visit Chicago.

 

 

 

 

Aren't nearly all pictures of 2 year old boys...blurry! Busy. Busy. Busy.

 

 

Meerkat...I see you!

I think that this polar bear knew that he had eyes watching him because he was putting on quite the show. Cael and I were standing by the window as he swam by and kicked the window.  Cael wasn't quite sure of it because he doesn't understand the concept of the "glass window" that separates us from the bear. I could have watched him all day!  What an amazing creature!

 

He climbed this entire thing all on his own!

Navy Pier ferris wheel

Waiting in line for our turn to ride this big WHEEL!

Skyline view from the top of the Wheel!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Riding the Trolley to the "subway".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was so bummed, when I realized I didn't take a single picture of him on the "L". He thought this was so neat! It was loud but he loved it!

Our Saturday evening was topped off with some delicious deep dish pizza! I didn't get many pictures taken after this point for several reasons. One major one being, little boy was over stimulated and super tired! And quite frankly....so were the adults!

It is always great to see and spend time with my sister "Krissy"! We wished she lived a bit closer and we could see her more often than we do.  We loved watching Cael enjoy the big city. There was so much to see and take in while we were there. This was one of those "brain growing" experience that I love to give our son.

In the end, I think our little country boy (and his mommy and daddy) prefer the wide open spaces and quietness that our country life has to offer instead of that city life!

Our 2013 summer vacation will go down as memorable and enjoyable!